# Joke thread - Post one



## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Let's see some funny jokes here - *Keep it clean!!!*

I'll start:

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"


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## jwkimber45 (May 6, 2006)

I piece of string walks into a bar. "Hey, we don't serve your kind here" shouts the barkeep. After a breif arguement the string leaves. Once outside he goes aroung the corner, makes himself into a square knot and ravles his ends. Walks back into the bar. "Hey" yells the bartender, "aren't you that string I just kicked out of here??" "Nope" Says the string. "I a frayed knot."


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

Tex and Slim are in town for a Saturday, sittin' and talkin'.

"Say, Tex, my old horse is all stove up. Won't eat, all humped up. Didn't you have one ge that way?"

"Yup" replies Tex.

"What'd you give him?"

"Turpentine," responds Tex.

"Turpentine?" Slims asks.

"Yup. Turpentine"


Following Saturday they're back in town.

"Say, Tex, remember me askin' about that horse?" Slim asks.

"Yup." Tex replies.

"And what'd you say you gave him?"

"Turpentine," Tex says, keeping this conversation going.

"Well, I gave mine turpentine, and he died," continues Slim.

"Yup. Mine did too," agrees Tex.

Bob Wright


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

A tenderfoot was hiking up in the Smokies when an old mountaineer stepped out, holding a rifle and a "brown jug."

Offering the tourist the jug, he says, "Here, take a drink!"

"Uh, no thank you" stammers the tourist.

The mountaineer's eyes go steely. Offering the jug again, he emphasizes his point brandishing the rifle. "Take a drink!" he commands now.

Well, the tourister takes a swallow, gags and wheezes. "Man, that's powerful stuff" he wheezes.

The mountaineer takes the jug, and hands the tourister the rifle.

"Now, you hold the gun on me," he says gleefully.

Bob Wright


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## Guest (Jun 21, 2006)

Well I suck at jokes and don't know any clean ones so i'll tell the one on the pop sicle stick I just finished.

What do cobras study in college?

Hiss-tory. 

:roll:


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## Whittey (May 8, 2006)

What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall?
Dam.


-=Whittey=-


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

This from the late Justin Wilson:

The Cajun was hosting two bankers from way up north in Memphis on a duck hunt. He calls up a flight and the bankers blaze away, dropping two mallards. The sit there silent a moment.

"Well," declares on of the bankers, "Aren't you going to send the dog after those ducks?"

"Hokay," glumly responds the guide. "Phydeaux, (The dog is Cajun too) go out and git dem ducks."

The dog bounds over the side of the boat and trips lightly over the surface of the water, leaving little circles of waves where each paw touches the surface of the water. The dog gets the ducks, trips back and into the boat.

Now they get the feeding call, and another flock, and more gunfire. Two more mallards. And, after urging again, Phydeaux is sent after the dead ducks. Same as before, the dog barely gets his feet wet.

"I didn't say anything the first time because I thought it was a lie. But did you see that dog walk on water?" says on of the bankers.

"Man, what have you got here?" asks the second banker.

Sheepishly, the old Cajun guide admits, "Yeah, old Phydeaux has always bee mos' embaressin' to me. Never could teach that dog to swim."

Bob Wright


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

Out in the grasslands of New Mexico, such as they are, near Shioprock, a rancher and his son were baling hay and filling the barn. The son was just starting to itch real good.

"Son," says the rancher, "Catch up your horse and ride over to the top of that bluff yonder and ask the old chief about the winter."

"O.K.", responds the son, glad for the break. He rides up to the top of the hill and encounters an old Navajo sitting there watching their work.

"Chief, my Pa wants me to ask you about the winter," the young man tells him.

"Much cold," grunts the chief.

The son rides back and tell his dad the Indian's response.

"Well, we'd better gather in a few more bales" observes the rancher. More back-breaking work and more bales are added.

"Son, go ask that chief again about the winter."

The son rides up again and querries the old Navajo. "Much cold. Snow come." the chief answers stoically.

When the son relays this information, the response is the same, more work. And, again, consult with the old Indian.

The son rides up and asks the same uestion again.

"Much cold. Much snow. Deep snow." is the reply.

Curious, the son has to ask, "How can you forecast the winter like this, what signs do you see?" politely asked the son.

The old Chief gestures toward the rancher's barn.

"White man put much hay in barn. Very cold winter."


Bob Wright


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

That's pretty good :lol: 
---------
An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

The baliff called the next witness "The Court calls Colonel John Bodine."

A distinguished looking gentleman takes the stand. After giving his testimony, he is approached for cross examination. The attorney smiles broadly, and addressing the court, "Colonel Bodine, you're in the Army, or retired, I suppose?"

"No, Sir."

"The Air Force, then?"

"No, Sir."

"Perhaps it was the Marine Corps?"

"No, Sir."

"Well, you call yourself COLONEL, what does that mean?"

"Well, Sir, its kind of like the "Honorable" in front of your name. It doesn't mean a thing."




Bob Wright


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## L8models (May 5, 2006)

*The Blonde and the Handgun*

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up ... you're next!"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

Pete and Sam had grown up together. Baseball was their life, both good pitchers. They played baseball at every chance. Sandlot (this before Little League) ball, high school, they played. Both played college baseball, graduated and went into major league. Now retired, they were both residents in the same old folk's home.

"Was there baseball in Heaven?" was a frequent topic of their discussion. They made it up that whichever one died first, he'd try to contact the other to resolve the question.

Not long after, Sam died.

After the funeral and a few days of mourning, Pete was sitting out on the lawn.

"Pete!" an almost inaudible voice called. "Pete!"

"Sam, is that you?"

"Yep. It is I. Pete, the Lord granted me this dispensation to contact you."

"Well, Sam, how it? I mean you're O.K. and everything? And, what about baseball up there?"

"Well, I've got good news and bad news for you. The good news is that there is baseball up here. We've got some of the greatest names of the game up Here. Never a rain-out. Its just great!"

"And the bad news?" asked Pete.

"You're Friday's starting pitcher."

Bob Wright

footnote: My preacher was on his way to play for a minor league team when he answered the call to preach. He has told us several times of asking his Mama if there was baseball in Heaven. When she couldn't answer, he wasn't too sure he wanted to go there.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

The next evening the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." The bartender thinks to himself, "The man can't be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, tonight he must have enough money", and gives beer to everyone. After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.

One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar."
In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?"
"No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2006)

Here's one I stole from my cousin.


Hey, have any of you guys seen Stevie Wonder's kids? Well, it's ok if you haven't because neither has he. :lol:


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## propellerhead (May 19, 2006)

Q: How do you make a cat bark like a dog?





A: Douse it with gasoline then throw a match to it.... WOOF!


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## jwkimber45 (May 6, 2006)

propellerhead said:


> Q: How do you make a cat bark like a dog?
> 
> A: Douse it with gasoline then throw a match to it.... WOOF!


Thats awesome!!!!!


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Gotta have at least 1 jok a day :-D 
---

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and lead him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she lead him downstairs where she prepared an exquisite dinner for him.

He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to tell ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Dinner was my idea."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Three men took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back."

But of course, they killed one each and returned to the plane with three moose.
The pilot said: "I have told you to bring one moose only".
"That's what you told us last year," the hunters replied, "but for an additional $100 you allowed us to bring three moose. Here, take $100 now."
The pilot agrees, and lets them bring all three dead moose onboard.

Just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the men woke up, looked around and said: "Where the hell are we?" 

"Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place where we crashed last year."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Joke for June 28 
---

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.

"Hold it, hold it," the fellow said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us, me, Joe and Mike. I dig the hole, Joe sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Joe is sick, that doesn't mean we can't work, does it?"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You approach her to get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Telemarketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. Your friend goes to her and says, "Hi, my friend over there is fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Advertising.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You get up, straighten your clothes, approach her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after it drops, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's the power of Branding!


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

In an old Texas cowtown, the gunfighter pushed through the batwing doors and paused, and with a sneer, surveyed the saloon's patrons.

"Allright," he snarled, "All you lilly livered pansys on this side of the room. And all you yellow bellied pantywaists on the other!"

Within seconds the bar room was divided. The gunfighter grunted and clomped to the bar, spurs jingling. Leaning over the bar he heard a shuffling behind him. He turned just in time to see a little man straighten himself.
He glared at him.

"I was on the wrong side of the room," he explained.


Bob Wright


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.

Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

*Feudalism:* You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
*Socialism:* You have two cows. State takes one and gives it to someone else.
*Communism:* You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you as much milk as you need.
*Bureaucratic Communism:* You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you as much milk as the regulations say you should need.
*Bureaucracy:* You have two cows. State regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
*Fascism:* You have two cows. State takes both of them and sells you milk.
*Nazism:* You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoots you.
*Liberalism:* You have two cows. State doesn't care whether you exist, *let alone your cows.
Capitalism:* You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.


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## Charlie (May 13, 2006)

Wonderful, Denny.........:smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

Charlie said:


> Wonderful, Denny.........:smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082


Ya like that one, huh? :mrgreen:


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## Charlie (May 13, 2006)

Makes me want to go mow the grass.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that.

The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only."


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## rfawcs (Feb 11, 2006)

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi met for their weekly round of golf. At about the fifth hole, they caught up to the group in front of them. Thay waited for that group to finish and then teed off. As they played the next few holes, they were held up more and more.

They called a groundskeeper over and asked him to ask the group in front if they could play through. The groundskeeper told them he would, as the group consisted of mostly blind people who were playing.

The priest said, "Blind golfers? That's so incredible, I'm going to pray for them for a month."

The minister said, "Blind golfers? That's so inspiring, I'm going to write a sermon about them."

The rabbi said, "Blind golfers? What, they couldn't play at night?"


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## Whittey (May 8, 2006)

A priest and a rabbi are walking in the woods when a naked little boy runs by. The priest says to the rabbit, "Lets go screw that little boy." The rabbi responds, "Out of what?"


-=Whittey=-


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Tony died and was sent to be judged. He was told that he had cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this woman, pretending to be happy.

As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money." They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

Now Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Tony and Carlos saw their friend Jon up ahead, with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel. Stunned, Tony and Carlos asked Jon how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these awful women. Jon replied "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life. There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After every time we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, 'Damn income taxes!'"


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

The lady was taking her ease in her modern, attractive suburban home one afternoon when there was a knock at the door. People seldom dropped in at this time of day, so she went more out of curiosity. Standing there was a youngish man, apparently down on his luck.

"Ma'am, I'm not wanting a handout, but if I could do some work for you, I'd sure appreciate it. I haven't had work, and, well, I need some money for food."

"Well, I don't know......"

"Please, Ma'am, just any odd job that would earn me a few dollars."

"Oh, I know. You can paint my porch. I have some enamel and brushes in the carport. Fifteen dollars?"

"Yes, Ma'am. And thank you."

A couple of hours later, the man announced he was finished.

"And by the way, Ma'am, its not a Porsche, its a Ferrari."

Bob Wright


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

*Funny, true, and from Texas*

My wife and I were vacationing and went to a Baptist Church in Grandbury, Texas. I heard this related:

The couple had retired and were looking for a retirement community. The head of the household was a devout Christian man, and always made big decisions a matter of prayer. He felt that the Lord's direction was to move into a center near Grandbury.

After the move, into an area called, as I remember it, Pecan Grove, the wife began to experience severe allergy symptoms. After testing, her doctor found she was allergic to pollen from pecan trees.

Her husband mused, "I'm sure the Lord's direction was to Grandbury."

His wife responded, "You didn't have your hearing aid in. The Lord didn't say 'Grandbury,' He said 'GRAND PRAIRIE!"

Bob Wright


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## Bob Wright (May 10, 2006)

A young lady was out for a drive in the country one warm summer afternoon. She was far away from everybody, good road, car hugging the gentle curves, sun shining down with pretty warm rays. She crossed a small wooden bridge over a cool pleasant running stream. "That looks inviting," she though to herself.

No one being around, she parked and walked far enough not to be seen from the road, she went skinny dipping. Soon she was aware of the presence of a young country boy, sitting near her neatly piled clothing.

He sat. And sat.

Frustrated, she found an old No.2 wash tub submerged in the creek bed. Digging it out and grasping it by the handles, she shielded herself with it and confronted the youth.

"Young man, do you know what I think?" she demanded angrily.

"Yes, Ma'am," replied the boy. "You think that tub has a bottom."

Bob Wright


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.

After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.

On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

Two employees for the gas company were at a house call. 

The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you're old!"
"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.

"How about a foot race to see if your'e right," said the younger employee.

With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner. As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an eldery woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them. The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I'd better run too!"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman.
"Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"100,000 dollars," said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

one more...
........
........
A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"

A voice answers, "A blind salesman."

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"


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## 223HollowPoint (Apr 24, 2006)

A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!"

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the rancher.

"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."


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## 2400 (Feb 4, 2006)

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and flapping. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. 

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" 

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse . She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." 

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." 

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." 

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Three guys are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." 

The second guy says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The third guy says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here."

The other guys turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

I like this one :mrgreen: 
---
Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars." 

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could--heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."


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## 2400 (Feb 4, 2006)

A very dishevelled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean, ugly and nasty in EVERY sense of the word, woman, walks into Wallyworld with her two kids in tow. 

As she grabs a cart, the Wal-Mart Greeter, asks, "Are they twins"?

"No," the woman snarls, "the oldest one, he's nine, and, the younger one, she's seven. Why, do you think they really look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!!"


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." 

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. 

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" 

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. 

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" 

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." 

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' 

"Twenty-six," he said.


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## Baldy (Jun 21, 2006)

*Elections.*

This says it all for me.:smt082  :smt082


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## Baldy (Jun 21, 2006)

*Read this..*

Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the
woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer
back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us."

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the
cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read....

(Get ready, this will kill ya),

NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN


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## ruckus3008 (Aug 4, 2006)

a man walks into a bar with a cat and an ostrich. He walks to the bar and orders a beer. The ostrich asks for the same. The cat asks for half a beer and says that he isn't paying for it. The bartender serves their drinks. The next day the man walks in with the cat and the ostrich. The man and the ostrich order a beer. The cat orders half a beer and says he's not paying for it. The next day they come back. The bartender serves their drinks without them asking. The bartender then asks the man 'what's with the ostrich and the cat?' The man replies, 'a couple years ago I found a genie in a bottle. I wished for a chick with long leg and a tight pussy. I guess he misunderstood me.


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## ruckus3008 (Aug 4, 2006)

Bill and Greg are driving and are in a terrible car accident. Both cars are totalled. But both men are unhurt. Bill looks around his car and finds a bottle of whiskey unbroken inside. He takes the bottle to the Greg. He tells him 'this must be a sign. This is a 30 year old bottle of whiskey. Since we are alive and the bottle is intact we should have a drink.' Greg agrees and proceeds on taking a few large swigs. He passes it back to Bill. Bill then throws the bottle inside Gregs car. 'What are you doing?!?! Greg yells. 'Waiting for the cops.'


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## Blastard (Aug 10, 2006)

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.


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## jwkimber45 (May 6, 2006)

The old man had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, 
and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. 
One evening, the old man decided to go down to the pond and look it over. 
He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. 
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping 
in his pond. 
As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence. 
At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to 
him, "We're not coming out until you leave." 
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, 
or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, 
he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2006)

*Humor militaria...*

*There is a Marine, Air Force Commando, a Navy SEAL, and an Army green beret sitting around a campfire telling each other how tough they are. The Marine says he can swim 50 miles with a full pack, and bite the head off a chicken. A marine is worth 5 other men. The AF Commando says he can singlehandedly clear a 5000 foot runway, and kill a man with his bare hands. One AF Commando is worth 10 other men. The Navy SEAL says that he can dive 150 feet in full gear with no breathing apparatus and that he is an expert in demolitions. One Navy SEAL is worth 15 men. The Green Beret just sat their all this time saying nothing, quietly stoking the fire with his johnson.:smt082 :smt1099 *


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## jwkimber45 (May 6, 2006)

A lawyer went duck hunting in rural Oklahoma. He shot and dropped a bird,
but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the
lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and
asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it
fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

Oklahoma. We settle small disagreements like this with the Oklahoma Three
Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I
kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and
forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the
midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister
was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him
face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot.
Now it's my turn."






The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."


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## RONNIE J (May 8, 2006)

*Saw This One On Xd*

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But, honey, you haven't
got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone
down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to
Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. "I did it Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no
clothes on, and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her
head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh, my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was
all scared, and he jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool. But
I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He
hit the bottom of the pool, and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . Is this 486-5731?"
__________________
RJ


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.

Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"

The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"


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## Grayfox (Jul 14, 2006)

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One "smart" student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report: 

Titanic: $29.99 
Clinton: $29.99 
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read 
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read 
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. 
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. 
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. 
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. 
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. 
Clinton: Ditto for Bill. 
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. 
Clinton: Ditto for Monica. 
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. 
Clinton: Let's not go there. 
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. 
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. 
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. 
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack. 
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. 
Clinton: Monica.....ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. 
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing.


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

:mrgreen: Im still laughing so hard my stomach hurts, That is a GOOD one grayfox:mrgreen:


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## SuckLead (Jul 4, 2006)

Walmart was hiring a new greeter and they had it down to four people. So the interviewer calls the four people into his office and sits them down. 

"Now, I am going to ask you all one question, and you need to answer it as best you can. Whoever has the best answer gets the job. What is the fastest thing you know of?" 

The first person says, "Well, I think it would have to be a thought because it just comes to you like that." 

The interviewer nods. "Good answer. How about you, what is the fastest thing you know of?" 

"I would have to say the blink of an eye, because it happens and you don't even know it." 

Nodding again he asks the third person. 

"I remember when I was a kid I would wake up in the morning and turn on a switch outside, and way off across the field a light would suddenly come on. So I would have to say light is the fastest thing I know of." 

The interviewer nods, thinking he has found the winner. But there is one more to go. The last person is old Bubba. 

"What is the fastest thing you know of?" 

"Well, sir, I'd have to say it is diarrhea." 

"Diarrhea?! What are you talking about?" 

"Well, sir, about a week ago I ate something that didn't really agree with me, and before I could think, blink, or turn on a light I done crapped all over myself!"


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."


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## DennyCrane (May 11, 2006)

When you have an "I hate my job" day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at the pharmacy, go to the thermometers section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Best Thermo". Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Best Thermo is personally tested." Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Best Thermo Company."


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## Mr. P (Sep 16, 2006)

DennyCrane said:


> Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
> 
> The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
> 
> ...


:smt082 Good one.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

I just flipped thru all of the jokes again. There are several very funny jokes


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