# Concealed carry - help with family discussion/training for new carrier



## lamrith (Apr 23, 2012)

Sorry this got a touch lengthy..

Well I received my CPL this week, record time too, mailed 8days after turned in! I have been researching which pistol for my 1st purchase and ordered it Friday (M&P9 with ambi safety). So now it is time to get the family more directly involved before it arrives next week. I plan to take a home defense class at my local range next weekend.

_Some lengthy background:
I have had long-guns in the house since before the kids were born. Always out of site and locked up. I never take them out and have shot one of them maybe 2 times in the last 10yrs. My wife is not a gun lover, but thankfully not a gun hater either, she just does not like them. She knows they are there, but "out of site out of mind" has been our way until now. My oldest went out shooting the long guns with me the last time so he has had the basic gun safety talk. My youngest has not, they will both be getting full refresher's and I will be bringing each one out so they can see and touch in a controlled manner to curb base curiosity. Both kids know they are in the house but not exactly where, so they will stay locked up. (guns not the kids)

My primary reason to purchase now is home safety/defense, I am not sure if it is national news yet, but home invasion robberies have seen a marked increase in the county I live. Hence getting my 1st pistol. The CPL was just a good idea and give me the flexibility to carry as I wish as well as greatly speeding up the paperwork process @ purchase. I did not plan on carrying originally but went for the CPL anyway, more and more think I will actually be carrying quite often._

So I need to educate and inform the family about the new weapon coming into the house. I know all the gun safety rules and can go thru them with that. MY concern is how to address my concealed carry with them. I don't want to scare them, have them living in fear. That is why I am carrying, so they have no reason to be in fear.

One of my biggest concerns is being out someplace and a situation starting and one of the kids say "dad get your gun out and stop him, shoot him, etc" when I have made the decision it is best to not draw yet. Or when we are out in public and (being a kid) he forgot I am carrying and bumps it then panics. Same with my wife as she has never been around pistols, or anyone that carries one.

How do you folks get the discussion started, what things do you discuss etc? Is there a site, forum, video out there that runs thru many of the basics?


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## VAMarine (Dec 25, 2008)

How old are the kids?


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## lamrith (Apr 23, 2012)

9 and 15

The 15yr old is old enough to go to my local range, and I am strongly thinking of taking him up, taking the range safety course and having him at least fire it a few times. I think that gets rid of the curiosity factor as well as making sure he knows how to handle and fire a gun safely. One of the reasons I bought a 9mm was being able to have him and my wife fire it more comfortably, if they ever have to when things go wrong. It is also much less expensive ammo so I can practice more.


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## VAMarine (Dec 25, 2008)

Do you think the 9 year old can grasp and understand the concepts of private information beyond the "me and daddy have a secret" type stuff?

I would think that the 15 year old should be able to handle that just fine, but their your kids and it's ultimately up to your judgement. I have no doubt that I'll have to have this conversation with my kids (1 @ 3yrs, [email protected]) but that's on the distant horizon for the moment.

As for training the family. It all depends on their desired level of participation.

I would start looking for NRA Instructors in the are and see about a private *"Home Firearms Safety Course"* for your family using your guns, all family members should attend this course.

You might think about the NRA's Basic Pistol Course and Basics of Personal Protection in the Home as well. While your wife may not be gung-ho about it, explain that it's a safety thing should she ever need to handle the guns in your absence, not necessarily to defend the castle so to speak, but just basic handling

Regarding the concealed carry thing, you just need to make sure that it is understood that your carrying is no-one's business outside your family, this includes school friends, friends' parents, teachers etc.

Do you currently have a safe for your guns? If not, get one. If it's going to be known that guns are in the house they need to be secured when not on your person, not just stashed in a closet etc.

If you're going to get serious about carry, and you attend a carry focused class, ask your wife to attend that was well just so she knows what you know. My wife actually did a video on spousal interactions regarding carry.






Keep your oldest son in the loop regarding plans related to carry and home defense. Explain what you feel your 9yr old can accept and retain, even if it's basic "fire drill" type stuff ie. in case of emergency do ____________.

If you think that you 9yr old may not be able to keep the information regarding your carry private, I'm not sure if him knowing is a good idea. As I'm sure you know, kids say the damnedest things...

I grew up knowing that dad carried a gun off duty, I grew up thinking it was "normal" etc. We were trained up young as to basic handling, loading, unloading etc. and never had any issues growing up.

Bottom line is that you should seek out good training for the fam, and yes this does mean having someone else do it, I find that people are more receptive of info that is not coming from a family member, particulary with your spouse (don't get me started on that one) and it's nice to have a layer of isolation in that regard. Once they start learning there will be questions and discussion at home and I will think it will go better if there is a firm knowledge base to build from. etc.

One good thing about the NRA courses is that you get to keep the books and can refer to them later as needed and it's a solid cirriculum to learn from and grow on.


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## lamrith (Apr 23, 2012)

VA.

Thanks for the thorough and detailed info. Some of what you said is what I was thinking, but much was not and helps round out my thinking. I am a touch torn on the 9 yr old, he is a good boy, but like you said, they say the damnedest things! HE is still at that young innocent stage and may not realize if he says something innocently it can cause a problem. MY biggest concern is him coming up and giving me a hug or bumping against me in a public situation and getting surprised by me carrying. Seems like an easy way to cause a scene and draw attention which I want to try and avoid.

He knows I have guns in the house already, but not a pistol or carrying a gun. The few times guns have come up in conversation @ home he would say "like dads old hunting guns". Long ago when he was very small and saw one of them we told him I had guns because I used to hunt, even though I have never hunted. I think he will be ok with knowing, but have to see I will test him on a few unrelated things 1st and see how it goes. 

I do not have a full blown, super thick fireproof/thief proof safe. I lack the room in the house to get one of those, but I do have a steel locking cabinet hidden in the closet that remains locked as well as trigger locks on all the guns. Prior to this the guns were locked in travel cases with just trigger locks, knowing how mischievous I was in my youth, I moved to the cabinet to keep curious hands away.

I like the idea of family taking courses with me. The local range has numerous courses. Defensive carry, home defense, intro to handgun, basic handgun, as well as private classes. I will need to talk to the instructors once I get a better feel for the wife's mindset, I am with you that I would prefer her to not be deathly afraid or panicked around the weapon and be able to at least move, handle it safely. I am just not sure if the basic intro course or maybe a private lesson would be best.

Thanks VA!


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## VAMarine (Dec 25, 2008)

lamrith said:


> VA.
> 
> Thanks for the thorough and detailed info. Some of what you said is what I was thinking, but much was not and helps round out my thinking. I am a touch torn on the 9 yr old, he is a good boy, but like you said, they say the damnedest things! HE is still at that young innocent stage and may not realize if he says something innocently it can cause a problem. MY biggest concern is him coming up and giving me a hug or bumping against me in a public situation and getting surprised by me carrying. Seems like an easy way to cause a scene and draw attention which I want to try and avoid.
> 
> ...


The gun locker is good to go as far as prohibiting unauthorized access, nothing is theft proof and a good locker will keep honest hands honest.

As far as the bumping into thing, one great thing about the smart phone / crack berry evolution is that a lot of people have gone back to wearing things on their belt. Where this will become an issue is not so much your son bumping into the gun, but rather trying to lift the cover garment to SEE what he bumped into.

Did you get the full-size M&P or the Compact?

As for the wife and training, a ladies only course is a good way to go. If you have any other gun owning friends, try and get their wives in on it. Girls day out at the range and all that. A less testosterone filled environment typically goes over well with the ladies, especially if they are not overly comfortable around guns.


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## lamrith (Apr 23, 2012)

I just watched your wife's video, I watched her purchase a gun videos a few weeks ago. Tell her thanks for the info!

My dad was also an officer, so guns were just always there, and I was put into NRA classes at an early age. It just has not been a way of life for my family until now.

I went for the M&P full size. It is primarily a home defense item, and I have large hands, the Compact just was not comfortable to shoot. I am starting the research on a holster and am looking at the crossbreed supertuck. I already wear T-shirts with a shirt over (have for years) so I just need to get looser top shirts so it does not print when I carry. The good news is that it will not be a change in dress pattern.

Update: I just had the initial talk with the wife. She is onboard with it and thankfully not freaked out. She was clueless about the recent break ins, I think my knowing about them and being pro-active made it go better. I doubt she will ever want to handle it, she just does not like guns, but I can work on getting her going later. We even did some basic "emergency plan" discussion, in terms of what/where to go, and issues with the kids. The youngest is still up in the air and we will be evaluating and testing him the coming week about secrecy prior to my pistol arriving.


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