# Difficult question



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

I wasn't going to ask about this, and it's been an issue for me for several years now. But, because of the anonymity that this forum offers, I felt that it was time. Matter-of-fact, I've tried to post this several times previously, but I changed my mind and decided not to. 

It has to due with anxiety and an abnormal level. As I age, the issue has become more intense. When I was working, it was an issue, but not to a degree that I couldn't control to some level. 

My wife is and has been aware of it for quite a while. But, I haven't yet discussed with her how bad it is getting. Today, was a telling moment for me. 

We were going to attend my great grand-daughter's second birthday party. There was going to be family there obviously, as well as in-laws and some that I don't know. It wasn't going to be a huge gathering, but it was still large enough.

Anyways, we went. I knew that it was going to be a real challenge for me. It wasn't all that hot today (high 80's) and once we arrived, we went inside. Even though the house was cool inside, I began to sweat. That's what I do when I feel uncomfortable / out of place. The sweat is primarily from my head and neck. It gets so bad, it runs. All I can do is to wipe my brow and neck. 

I made it about 20 min. or so, and I then had to ask my wife to step outside with me. I told her how uncomfortable that I was and she could clearly see how much I was sweating. I told her that I had to leave the party. I asked her to apologize to the others for me and to get a ride home with her son after the party was over. I simply could not wait to leave. 

This is not easy for me to bring up and ask others if they deal with anything similar. But, I'm at a point that I need to do something. This post is my "something". 

I saw a doctor a few months ago about it, but the appt. with the doc was about something else. I did bring it up and we hit some surface issues. I do need to go back and make it a more in-depth visit. But first, I thought that I would ask on here and see if anyone has been down the road that is facing me. It's one that I need to face and deal with. 

If I had to describe what is going on, it's that I feel uncomfortable being around others that I don't know. If we even make a trip to Walmart, it seems that it's always on the warm side in there, and that seems to jump start my anxiety issues. Waiting in line only makes it worse. My heart rate seems to be the same and I don't get out of breath. It's just that my anxiety level seems to take off like a rocket. 

Anyways, that's what I'm dealing with, and have been for a good long while. If any of you can offer some insight, advice or tips, that would be great. If any of you have been down this road or are currently traveling it, I'd sure like to know how you handle it. I could use some help.


----------



## joepeat (Jul 8, 2015)

Sorry you're going through this, the following forum may be helpful.

Anxiety - Panic Disorders - HealingWell.com Forum


----------



## win231 (Aug 5, 2015)

I have the same issue, though I don't show much outward signs - no sweating, etc. But I'm also uncomfortable around people I don't know - especially a large gathering, like a party. I'm also uncomfortable around some people I do know but I don't particularly like. It definitely causes anxiety, but I'll just sit quietly & not speak to anyone, unless they bring up a subject I'm interested in or have knowledge about. Some friends call it "shyness" but I think it's much more than that. I'm not able to approach anyone I don't know & talk to them. And when a stranger starts talking to me, I tense up & try to appear relaxed.

What does cause intense symptoms is any situation where I may speak to a group of people. I used to be a musician & whenever I was going to play for a group of people (large or small group), my heart will pound rapidly, shaking hands, sweating, the whole bit. May have something to do with being raised by an abusive "mother."

I don't think a regular MD would be much help; he'll likely just write prescriptions for various drugs....that's what he's trained to do.


----------



## joepeat (Jul 8, 2015)

win231 said:


> ...
> I don't think a regular MD would be much help; he'll likely just write prescriptions for various drugs....that's what he's trained to do.


Yeah, that's what happened in my case. Doc prescribed 0.25mg Xanax (generic Alprazolam). I tried half-dosage only twice and stopped because I didn't like the side-effects. Now I rely on good old alcohol in social situations where I think I may feel uncomfortable. I'm a happy drunk so it all works out, and an occasional hangover is benign relative to taking benzodiazepine-type drugs with their side-effects and habit-forming potential.


----------



## RK3369 (Aug 12, 2013)

It is a difficult thing, but you have to ask yourself a question: why are you uncomfortable in the company of others? Where I think you need to get mentally is to the point where you don't care what anyone else thinks of you or your situation. You appear to be getting nervous because of some concern about how you will be perceived by those you encounter. I have had the same issues in the past, and the best way to deal with it for me was to get to the point of not giving a [email protected] about what I thought others were thinking about me. It is enlightening to do so. Try it. It just requires a shift in your attitude about things.


----------



## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

When you are with other people, especially those you don't know, you are outside of your comfort zone.
At home, you feel secure and know you can handle things. Your home is your castle and you can defend it.
Out in public, with strangers around, you don't know if something "bad" will happen and if it does, can you handle it? Is there someone else there you might be able to count on to have your back? (and all of what that really means).
In combat, you knew you could rely on your brothers and sisters to have your back all the way. 
The way society is going, we wonder if someone is going to "go off" where we are and can we escape, will we be a casualty, or be forced to defend ourselves and loved ones.
In large gatherings, there are generally no one there who has been through what you have been through (Military, LEO) to really understand what you are feeling. You are probably at "Level Orange" in a public place or large gathering. Only after you are able to 'escape' are you able to tell yourself: "I made it through."
We've lost the security of our lives that we had years ago when society was more stable and had an American ethic. Now-a-days society is every person for themselves. If you don't like something, sue. don't work to make things better for all; just yourself.


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

When a person lives at an increased wariness level for an extended period of time their nature becomes that level. Your sub-conscience is looking for threats but your conscience is going to what ever your doing. I avoid crowded places as much as possible, when they can not be avoided I find ways to take defensive position find people I know to be around me and hang in as long as I can, then hit the door to get out. Understanding why you feel the things your feeling helps dealing with it some. Regrettably there is no switch to turn off what has become your nature. People close to you will not understand why. Good luck in finding your middle ground to get though it.


----------



## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

I suggest that Tony has a good line on what's happening to you.
You might find a way to look inside of yourself, to find out whether or not Tony is right.
If he is right, what he suggests won't solve your problem, but, as he says, you can use the knowledge to help isolate yourself in a crowded environment, and perhaps alleviate your stress in the situation. That's what I do.

I have the same problem as you do, although probably not for the same reason.
I hate crowded parties, and I usually seek out a small space in which to hide.
It might surprise you to know that there are enough people who feel as you and I do, to make my "hiding hole" a place where others like us will gather.
In that small group, conversation is both easy and less trivial, and I can relax quite a lot...and even enjoy that small segment of the party.
But nothing...absolutely nothing...will ever make a cocktail party comfortable to me. I just don't go.

Jean helps me a lot. When she sees that I am uncomfortable, she will shepherd me protectively until I've found a comfortable place.
Your wife seems to understand your problem, in practical terms, and you can ask her for even more help than she now gives.

Psychological counselling, which is much cheaper than psychiatry (and probably more effective, in your case), would be worth a try.
I bet that the VA has one or more group sessions dealing with your problem, and one-on-one counselling has got to be available.

As a side issue, it just boggles my mind that our government spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to train you, but is too cheap to spend only a couple of thousand dollars to undo that training so that you can better fit into civilian life.

Please keep us informed.
We're all interested, and we all want to help you as best as we can.


----------



## Cait43 (Apr 4, 2013)

After I retired all I enjoyed was "Staying on the compound"(at home) tried to find any excuse to do so. I still limit leaving the compound as much as I can.. But do get out now and then.....

What comes to mind is a quote from a MASH episode....
*Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.* :mrgreen:
--Dr. Sidney Freedman


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

Beware of the VA some are right off the bat labeling PTSD and restricting from firearms. Check them out first. Many P.D. have counseling services that are better than the VA


----------



## hillman (Jul 27, 2014)

I suspect Tony's hypothesis is at least close to the fact. Your need to know what and who is around you is probably pretty close to being 'hard-wired'. Steve's remedy may work well enough to make parties possible, but the sweating probably needs a work-around that only a shrink can fit to you. Good luck with it, trooper.


----------



## win231 (Aug 5, 2015)

joepeat said:


> Yeah, that's what happened in my case. Doc prescribed 0.25mg Xanax (generic Alprazolam). I tried half-dosage only twice and stopped because I didn't like the side-effects. Now I rely on good old alcohol in social situations where I think I may feel uncomfortable. I'm a happy drunk so it all works out, and an occasional hangover is benign relative to taking benzodiazepine-type drugs with their side-effects and habit-forming potential.


Alcohol--when not used in excess--is far safer than prescription drugs, as many celebrities found out the hard way.


----------



## 38special (Feb 24, 2017)

How much coffee are you drinking ?


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

38special said:


> How much coffee are you drinking ?


I've never had a cup of joe in my life. Gave up the soda pop about 5 months ago. Not a big fan of alcohol. No hard drinks at all, but I will drink a beer or two in the right social setting.

The perspiration issue may be be a thyroid issue. At least that's what the doc said when I asked about my anxiety issues. I'm going to delve into that further in the near future.

Thanks to all that have responded. It's much appreciated.


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

Are we done being serious yet? I can't wait to get back to giving you a hard time.


----------



## joepeat (Jul 8, 2015)

win231 said:


> Alcohol--when not used in excess--is far safer than prescription drugs, as many celebrities found out the hard way.


When I become a celebrity I'll stop.


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

tony pasley said:


> Are we done being serious yet? I can't wait to get back to giving you a hard time.


Even when on my death bed, I'll still expect all of you to give me a hard time. If you all didn't do that, it'd be the death of me for sure. :smt033


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

You know you would do the same to some of us.


----------



## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

paratrooper said:


> I've never had a cup of joe in my life. Gave up the soda pop about 5 months ago. Not a big fan of alcohol. No hard drinks at all, but I will drink a beer or two in the right social setting.
> 
> The perspiration issue may be be a thyroid issue. At least that's what the doc said when I asked about my anxiety issues. I'm going to delve into that further in the near future.
> 
> Thanks to all that have responded. It's much appreciated.


Exercise is a very great stress reducer.. Many Drs agree. Anxiety runs very hard on my fathers side..
Many Drs will start prescribing serotonin related drugs. Until they find the drug that works. Difficult process. Exercise, Exercise. I personally think you're getting adrenaline rushes. Public speaking is a whole different scenario then what you are feeling. Try bicycling, stationary,,,whatever cardio you can handle with your knee situation. Build up , to prevent injury.. I guarantee immediate results. Look up endorphins . Before a social function I will exercise to burn off any adrenaline or toxins that may be affecting my mood. The exercising will mentally put your mind in a better place.. Alcohol has a rebound affect, might make matters worse using for medicinal purposes. Paratrooper, try this. The exercising serves two quick fixes, 1) it makes you feel good about yourself 2) you're burning adrenaline... Question I have ? Did the anxiety, semi panic attack turn your focus to your heart ? Very common.


----------



## Blackhawkman (Apr 9, 2014)

I don't like crowds. I don't trust strangers. No stranger ever good news'd me. With the way the world rolls and violence happening I watch where I go. I don't go to family get-togethers either. I do belong to a private gun club & I know all the members. Trust is everything nowdays! fwiw


----------



## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)




----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

I once took a bus to a bar, and ended up walking home while drinking a beer. :smt033


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

Asheville has a bar that is a bus


----------



## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

tony pasley said:


> Asheville has a bar that is a bus


...Gets you high, and gets you home!


----------



## Cait43 (Apr 4, 2013)




----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

I'm really, really, really hoping to get a long ride in this weekend. It's been way too long since my last one. If the weather permits, I'm thinking a day ride somewhere in the area of 400-500 miles or so. 

When I was living in Oregon, one of my favorite loops was going south on I-5, then cut over to the coast, head north on 101, then back to home. It was a 600 mile loop and I swear, it could cure you of any ailment that you might have. :mrgreen:


----------



## Recoil1 (Apr 26, 2016)

paratrooper said:


> I'm really, really, really hoping to get a long ride in this weekend. It's been way too long since my last one. If the weather permits, I'm thinking a day ride somewhere in the area of 400-500 miles or so.
> 
> When I was living in Oregon, one of my favorite loops was going south on I-5, then cut over to the coast, head north on 101, then back to home. It was a 600 mile loop and I swear, it could cure you of any ailment that you might have. :mrgreen:


Nothing like "wind therapy"


----------



## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

paratrooper said:


> ...When I was living in Oregon, one of my favorite loops was going south on I-5, then cut over to the coast, head north on 101, then back to home. It was a *600 mile loop* and I swear, it *could cure you of any ailment* that you might have. :mrgreen: [emphasis added]


...Except hemorrhoids. :anim_lol:


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> ...Except hemorrhoids. :anim_lol:


I consider myself lucky. Never any issues with hemorrhoids or kidney stones.


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

Recoil1 said:


> Nothing like "wind therapy"


Most are unaware of the therapy and it's overall benefits.

Those that are, are well aware. :mrgreen:


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

Horse therapy is much better. You will never see a hitching post in front of a shrinks office


----------



## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

tony pasley said:


> Horse therapy is much better. You will never see a hitching post in front of a shrinks office


No.
But there are always parking lots.
"Meatbag" horse, iron horse, horsepower...it's all the same.

A vintage Porsche Speedster and a winding road delivers the same therapy as a horse, but at a higher, more satisfying speed. :smt033


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

Riding a m/c @ speed is the closest thing to flying, without actually flying. 

And, you never have to ask a tower for permission to land or take-off. :smt033


----------



## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

paratrooper said:


> Riding a m/c @ speed is the closest thing to flying, without actually flying.
> 
> And, you never have to ask a tower for permission to land or take-off. :smt033


Just remember, airport beacons are green and white.
State Trooper is red and blue (your state may vary)


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

BackyardCowboy said:


> Just remember, airport beacons are green and white.
> State Trooper is red and blue (your state may vary)


I always take my credentials with me when I go riding. :smt033


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

Yes but a horse can remind you of what you really can't do When foolish pride says you can!


----------



## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

paratrooper said:


> I always take my credentials with me when I go riding. :smt033


Including your pilot's license?


----------



## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

tony pasley said:


> Yes but a horse can remind you of what you really can't do When foolish pride says you can!


_"Hold my beer and watch this!"_


----------



## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

BackyardCowboy said:


> _"Hold my beer and watch this!"_


Famous last words before the ambulance arrives


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

Lots of thunder and lightning last night. About 10 min. of heavy rain fall. Overcast today and not looking so good for tomorrow.


----------



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

BackyardCowboy said:


> Including your pilot's license?


No need to. I always fly under the radar. :smt033


----------

