# Speaking of Christmas...............



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

My 43 yr. old step-son gave my wife and I, a bottle of vitamins for Christmas. Yup.....a bottle of vitamins. Last year, he gave us some kind of a part for a computer, like a USB thing or something. 

Last year, I gave him a NIB Ruger Stainless-Steel 10/22 rifle with a laminated stock. This is the same guy that hasn't been employed for several years, is divorced from his dumb as a box of rocks wife, but they still live together, and doesn't get bothered by accepting whatever assistance they can get from the state. 

He's always ordering stuff and has it sent to our house, as he doesn't want his ex-wife to know that he's spending money......on himself. His ex-wife has done time for DUI, and did more time recently for violating a court order for not doing enough community service. She's all about looking and dressing like a biker babe, who is 44 or 45, and is obsessed with looking like a 30's something hot chick.

I could go on and on, but I've made my point. My wife used to wonder why her son and me aren't all that close. But, as the years have passed by, she no longer wonders, as she now see's my side.


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

I feel it also, same crap here, different location. Lol.


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## AdamSmith (Dec 18, 2013)

There are odd balls in every family somewhere.

Sometimes successful, responsible parents breed unsuccessful kids.

Sometimes unsuccessful parents breed resilient kids.

And other times the apple does not fall far from the tree.


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

AdamSmith said:


> There are odd balls in every family somewhere.
> 
> Sometimes successful, responsible parents breed unsuccessful kids.
> 
> ...


Like to take a look at your tree,lol.:anim_lol:


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

AdamSmith said:


> There are odd balls in every family somewhere.
> 
> Sometimes successful, responsible parents breed unsuccessful kids.
> 
> ...


Just for the record, I never had any kids of my own. I knew as early as age 14 or so, that I just wasn't parent material. Knowing that, I stayed true to my course and didn't have kids. I don't claim to be an expert at parenting, but I did my best and provided my step-son with whatever he needed as he grew up.

My wife tended to coddle her son from as long as we got together. He was 8 at the time. Anyways, now she's doing the same thing to our 14 yr. old grand-son. I've tried to make her aware of that, but she pretty much turns a deaf ear. His father isn't a good example of how to be a responsible man. His mother is a lost cause.

But hey......Merry Christmas.


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## AdamSmith (Dec 18, 2013)

pic said:


> Like to take a look at your tree,lol.:anim_lol:


And yours also, pic.

My sister has a miscreant son, whom she birthed later in life. We figure that's the reason. The other six nieces and nephews seem fine.


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

paratrooper;

Your best bet is to sever any responsibility for your step-son and his live in other half. Throwing a bad apple or two into a basket of good apples doesn't improve the bad apple(s). It only brings down the good ones.

There are a few bad apples on my deceased brother's wife's side of the family; she was one of eight in her home with four girls and four boys. My brother was always helping some of her siblings out financially.... none ever paid him back and as you mentioned, they were not a bit ashamed to have their hands out for help.

My wife and I had two daughters and before I married her, I laid out how any children we had were to be raised. I am a pretty strict disciplinarian and fortunately for my wife, she was in full agreement. Our daughters grew up to be wonderful people. We sent them both to college, excellent universities in our state, and they are married and have their own families. Very responsible people and are doing a great job of raising their own children.

There are no guarantees in life; there are only opportunities and setbacks. Opportunities make you successful, setbacks should make you stronger and more determined to reach success. There are those who don't see it this way. For them, the takers, I have little if any sympathy. People are what they are because of decisions they consciously took at various points in their lives. Dropping out of high school, knocking up their girl friend, not pursuing an education or vocational skill, doing drugs, and winding up living desperate and hopeless lives are all the result of decisions taken earlier that put them in their current situation. They meant to do things they did that put them where they are today. Hard to feel sympathy for people like this and I know quite a few of them, and have known a bunch of them over my life.

I failed my senior year of high school so I didn't graduate with my class. After 13 years of silent shame, I tested for and received my GED and then put myself through college as a part time student while working full time, roughly 55 hours a week, and raising a family. It took me a total of 7 years of year around college to finish. I wound up earning two college degrees, graduating Magna Cum Laude with both of them, and I changed the direction of my life. So when someone tells you they can't do it, they're only lying to themselves and others. Anyone can turn their life around if they have the motivation and the determination to improve their lot in life. All it takes is the will and the effort, and some time, to see it through.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

SouthernBoy said:


> paratrooper;
> 
> Your best bet is to sever any responsibility for your step-son and his live in other half. Throwing a bad apple or two into a basket of good apples doesn't improve the bad apple(s). It only brings down the good ones.
> 
> ...


I agree with what you have said. I've told my wife that we need to sit down with her son and have a talk. He needs to be told that he is not not measuring up, and the longer he takes to get full-time employment, the harder it will be. At age 42, I was well on my way in my career and counting the years until I could retire. I did retire age age 55 1/2. During that time, I went to college and received three BA degrees, all the while supporting my family.

My step-son needs to be told face-to-face, that he needs to measure up and how to go about it. Sad, that at age 42, he needs to be told that, but it is what it is. Ideally, I'd like to speak to him and his ex-wife at the same time. Kind of like, kill two birds with one stone, if you will. But, I don't think that is realistic, and if it did happen, there would be a lot of push back from her.

Anyways, a talk with him may or may not provide results. But, at least I could say that I (we) made the attempt.


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

paratrooper said:


> I agree with what you have said. I've told my wife that we need to sit down with her son and have a talk. He needs to be told that he is not not measuring up, and the longer he takes to get full-time employment, the harder it will be. At age 42, I was well on my way in my career and counting the years until I could retire. I did retire age age 55 1/2. During that time, I went to college and received three BA degrees, all the while supporting my family.
> 
> My step-son needs to be told face-to-face, that he needs to measure up and how to go about it. Sad, that at age 42, he needs to be told that, but it is what it is. Ideally, I'd like to speak to him and his ex-wife at the same time. Kind of like, kill two birds with one stone, if you will. But, I don't think that is realistic, and if it did happen, there would be a lot of push back from her.
> 
> Anyways, a talk with him may or may not provide results. But, at least I could say that I (we) made the attempt.


I don't envy you with this. Hard to imagine that sparks won't fly when the truth is aired. People are not particularly fond of having a mirror held up to their face to see the error of their ways. Good luck to you if you decide to set him or them down for a serious talk. Giving him that Ruger rifle may not have been a good idea in hindsight.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

SouthernBoy said:


> I don't envy you with this. Hard to imagine that sparks won't fly when the truth is aired. People are not particularly fond of having a mirror held up to their face to see the error of their ways. Good luck to you if you decide to set him or them down for a serious talk. Giving him that Ruger rifle may not have been a good idea in hindsight.


I'm not looking forward to it, but it needs to be done. Something has to be said, so that they can't say they weren't told. It probably won't happen in the very near future, but it will happen when the time and place is right.

I have a ton of experience under my belt, when it comes to dealing / communicating with difficult people. I've had various classes / training over the years that will come in handy, and will use it to my advantage.

If that doesn't work, I'll just dispose of them both and bury them somewhere out in the woods. :mrgreen:


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

AdamSmith said:


> And yours also, pic.
> 
> My sister has a miscreant son, whom she birthed later in life. We figure that's the reason. The other six nieces and nephews seem fine.


Lol, good reply ,, no harm meant.. Anyway my tree does itch like a son of a gun at night, along with the nuts that hang from it. 
Might be a walnut tree , lol :smt033


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

pic said:


> Lol, good reply ,, no harm meant.. *Anyway my tree does itch like a son of a gun at night, along with the nuts that hang from it.*
> Might be a walnut tree , lol :smt033


Freudian tongue-in-cheek humor, eh? Nice little humorous metaphor.


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## AdamSmith (Dec 18, 2013)

paratrooper said:


> I'm not looking forward to it, but it needs to be done. Something has to be said, so that they can't say they weren't told. It probably won't happen in the very near future, but it will happen when the time and place is right.
> 
> I have a ton of experience under my belt, when it comes to dealing / communicating with difficult people. I've had various classes / training over the years that will come in handy, and will use it to my advantage.
> 
> If that doesn't work, I'll just dispose of them both and bury them somewhere out in the woods. :mrgreen:


You're going to need to sit down with him and help him with his job search.

Go through the local newspaper ads and the online internet job postings.

Reading someone a riot act never accomplishes anything.

But actually helping them with a process normally does.


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## AdamSmith (Dec 18, 2013)

SouthernBoy said:


> Freudian tongue-in-cheek humor, eh? Nice little humorous metaphor.


Those comments sound gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. Just that they are out of context here and therefore inappropriate.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

AdamSmith said:


> You're going to need to sit down with him and help him with his job search.
> 
> Go through the local newspaper ads and the online internet job postings.
> 
> ...


That isn't going to happen. He's too damn old to need help looking for a job, and I'm too damn old to sit down and make believe I'm helping an 18 yr. old.

It is what it is, and I'll treat it as such. There are times, when people need to be told to their face, that they're not measuring up. Maybe, if this took place more often in this messed up society of ours, we would benefit from it as a whole.


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

AdamSmith said:


> Those comments sound gay. Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. Just that they are out of context here and therefore inappropriate.


You're kidding of course... right? What are they teaching you folks in California?

Gay means excitedly happy. I suspect you meant homosexual, which of course my little comment was not.


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

paratrooper said:


> That isn't going to happen. He's too damn old to need help looking for a job, and I'm too damn old to sit down and make believe I'm helping an 18 yr. old.
> 
> It is what it is, and I'll treat it as such. There are times, when people need to be told to their face, that they're not measuring up. Maybe, if this took place more often in this messed up society of ours, we would benefit from it as a whole.


I'm on your side, friend, and I know you know that. Most people who are in the situation your step-son is are there because they took a conscious decision or decisions that put them there. I had a relative by marriage like this. He was basically worthless and now even his own father wants nothing to do with him, if he's still alive.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

SouthernBoy said:


> I'm on your side, friend, and I know you know that. Most people who are in the situation your step-son is are there because they took a conscious decision or decisions that put them there. I had a relative by marriage like this. He was basically worthless and now even his own father wants nothing to do with him, if he's still alive.


Exactly! My step-son has benefited from his mother's help for way too long. She knows this, and has tried to pull back a little. My step-son takes plenty, but doesn't give all that much. That's his SOP or way of life. He figures if there's people willing to give, why shouldn't he take. His ex-wife is of the same mind-set. A few years ago, she received a life-time state disability benefit for wrist problems (Carpal Tunnel). She was a frigging waitress at Red Lobster for crying out loud. And, she receives food stamps as well. Due to her DUI, she lost her license, and now, others have to drive her around.

I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you all. I know that we all have situations within our families that are trying and frustrating. It's just that after so long a time, it gets to be very irritating and annoying.

I do thank-you all for the replies, tips and suggestions.


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

paratrooper said:


> Exactly! My step-son has benefited from his mother's help for way too long. She knows this, and has tried to pull back a little. My step-son takes plenty, but doesn't give all that much. That's his SOP or way of life. He figures if there's people willing to give, why shouldn't he take. His ex-wife is of the same mind-set. A few years ago, she received a life-time state disability benefit for wrist problems (Carpal Tunnel). She was a frigging waitress at Red Lobster for crying out loud. And, she receives food stamps as well. Due to her DUI, she lost her license, and now, others have to drive her around.
> 
> I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you all. I know that we all have situations within our families that are trying and frustrating. It's just that after so long a time, it gets to be very irritating and annoying.
> 
> I do thank-you all for the replies, tips and suggestions.


God bless you, my friend, and the best of luck to you with this situation. Who knows... maybe you sitting him down and laying out some things just might turn him around.


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

Step kids can put a strain on a marriage . Leave it alone , pick your battles. Step kids are a losing battle.


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## AdamSmith (Dec 18, 2013)

pic said:


> Step kids can put a strain on a marriage . Leave it alone , pick your battles. Step kids are a losing battle.


I tend to agree with PIC on this one. If you can't help him with the help wanted ads, then doing nothing is probably better.


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