# Jack



## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.


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## Thor (May 11, 2006)

:smt082:smt082:smt082


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Jack Bauer broke into a nunnery, and impregnated 52 nuns. As a result, the 1972 Miami Dolphins were created. The only team in NFL history to obtain an undefeated season.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Jack Bauer despises Mossad because they're soft on terrorism.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Geico saved 15% by switching to Jack Bauer.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Shipwreck said:


> When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists


Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families.

But statistics don't lie.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Jack Bauer’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.


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## john doe. (Aug 26, 2006)

Heck! I'm missing all the fun with not having cable TV. I've heard so much good about the show. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

Jack Bauer doesn't get drunk, drunk gets Jack Bauer.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.


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## Wandering Man (Jul 9, 2006)

tnoisaw said:


> Heck! I'm missing all the fun with not having cable TV. I've heard so much good about the show. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Tony, I don't think we are missing much. Any show that makes you act like this is probably dangerous to your mental health.



WM


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Wandering Man said:


> Tony, I don't think we are missing much. Any show that makes you act like this is probably dangerous to your mental health.
> 
> 
> 
> WM


:smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :supz: :supz:


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

*WHAT MENTAL HEALTH???:watching: *


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Who's mental?!?

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Todd said:


> Who's mental?!?
> 
> Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.


:smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082 :smt082


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Jack Bauer can kill him and take it.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

Jack Bauer doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


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## Shipwreck (Jan 26, 2006)

Dreadnought said:


> Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Jack Bauer can kill him and take it.


If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

It was once believed that Jack Bauer actually lost a fight to a terrorist, but that is a lie, created by Jack Bauer himself to lure more terrorists to him. Terrorists never were very smart.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Shipwreck said:


> If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.


Arrg! You beat me too it!


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

When George Orwell wrote 1984, he left out one important detail: Big Brother is in fact Jack Bauer.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

Jack puts the “laughter” back in “manslaughter”.


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## Dreadnought (Nov 9, 2006)

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk, when the Hulk gets mad he turns into Jack Bauer.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.

My mother-in-law is a Witness (wife is not) so that one is funny on a personal level. I can see her tied to a chair, Jack advancing to perform his patented "knife in the eye", and her screaming Jack is God. rayer:


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