# How to convince wife to let me keep a handgun?



## desibaba (Feb 24, 2009)

Hi. I am new to the forum but no stranger to guns. Me and my wife are somewhat new to this country (we are originally from pakistan) and we have recently purchased a subway restaurant. We have to work sometimes late into the night and the place has been robbed before we purchased it. The problem is my wife is extremely anti gun (which is not surprising because she has seen far too many people die because of them) and wont hear of me keeping one however i think its a necessity in our situation considering the amount of cash we keep in the store and the kind of crowd we deal with. Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Frankly, I don't know what to tell you because there is no formula that if you do or say something, then someone who is anti-gun will turn. If that was the case, we wouldn't have to deal with the Bradys. 

You may want to look up crime rates in your state and show your wife. Also try explaining to her how important it is you to be able to protect your investment and also your lives. I'm going to guess that getting here to the US and staring your own business wasn't easy, so you should be able to defend the new life you're starting. I just hope that it doesn't take looking down the barrel of a gun to make your wife realize that there are lots of not-so-nice people out there that will a) try to take what you have worked so hard for because they are too lazy to work themselves and b) may or may not have a problem killing you after they have taken what they want because they don't want to leave a witness.


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## gmaske (Jan 7, 2008)

You don't indicate what city and state you live in. That will make a big diffrence as to how you need to deal with this. I guess first I will say that sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do when it comes to diffrences in a marrage. You will need to figure out how to get her use to the idea nicely while putting your foot down (taking charge) at the same time. I would feel the same as you were I closing up at night and had large amounts of cash to deal with.
Getting back to my first sentance: The laws of your state and city will determine just what you can do as far as a gun of any type is concerned. Here in Colorado (except in Denver) you can carry a loaded pistol in your car in any manner you wish. We also have the Castle law which means you have the right to defend yourself in your home or car with up to and including deadly force if you can demonstrate that you felt your life was threatened. I would strongly suggest that you start with and stay in the letter of the laws of your city and state.


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

*Suggestions:*

Ask your wife if she prefers to have you armed and alive, or unarmed and dead.
Then start taking defensive-pistol lessons from a reputable teacher, and _bring her along_ so she can see for herself that you are learning _defense_, not offense.
Keep reminding her of the old movie line (from _Shane_) that "a gun is only a tool": a tool for saving your life...and maybe hers, too.


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## desibaba (Feb 24, 2009)

We live in fort lauderdale,FL. If i was in a situation where i was being robbed i know i certainly wont try to be a hero and save the money at hand however i have heard of situations times again and again where even if you cooperate with robbers they end up taking your life afterwards because sometimes they worry that they can be identified later on. We had a gas station owner here who was recently was murdered in cold blood (his execution was recorded on his gas station's video camera) who was killed after handing over all the cash from his safe. Its those times that im concerned about


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## Wandering Man (Jul 9, 2006)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> *Suggestions:*Then start taking defensive-pistol lessons from a reputable teacher, and _bring her along_ so she can see for herself that you are learning _defense_, not offense.


+1

Knowledge and exposure can be powerful tools.

If you find that you enjoy shooting in the process of getting your own training, then you may find it helpful to take your wife. Make sure she wears double ear protection - ear plugs PLUS a headset.

The noise at the range could be a deterrant, so you want her as comfortable as possible. If you invite her to shoot, make sure she starts with a .22 caliber revolver, something that is realtively quiet and won't jerk in her hand and startle her.

Find a friend who is knowledgable and who has some credibility with your wife, and let him/her help you through the decisions.

Good luck.

WM


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## gmaske (Jan 7, 2008)

Florida has some good gun law. I'd start with an NRA pistol class and take the wife with you. It is a really good introduction and should calm a few of her fears. If you don't have a pistol a good many classes have loaners. Contact the instructor and see. If you can, apply for a conceald carry permit once you pick up your new pistol. Learn all you can about the safe and correct use of it. Carrying a pistol is a huge responsibility so take some time to really consider what it is all about. It is easy to get in to a macho thinking pattern....Do a reality check on your conceived thoughts and really do a self checkup to make sure your head is on streight.


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## Brevard (Jan 24, 2009)

Are you a US citizen? If not you need to check on the laws regarding owning a gun. If you do have to shoot someone you want to make sure you are legally covered.


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## desibaba (Feb 24, 2009)

Brevard said:


> Are you a US citizen? If not you need to check on the laws regarding owning a gun. If you do have to shoot someone you want to make sure you are legally covered.


Im a permanent resident/green card holder. I was told by my immigration attorney i can pretty much do everything except for vote but i will contact him and ask regarding the legality of the concealed carry permit.


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## literaltrance (Dec 24, 2008)

desibaba said:


> Im a permanent resident/green card holder. I was told by my immigration attorney i can pretty much do everything except for vote but i will contact him and ask regarding the legality of the concealed carry permit.


I think contacting the county's Sheriff's office would be just as good (not sure how your attorney applies fees). In my experience, law enforcement goes the extra mile for local businesses whenever they can. They'll be able to tell you what you can or can't do.

As far as the wife goes.... hell.... I'm not even married. Take what advise you can from the other guys here and uh...Good luck! :smt023


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## jimmy (Feb 3, 2009)

*Quote <I think contacting the county's Sheriff's office would be just as good >*

+1 literaltrance

I remember when i was applying for my gun purchase permit at the local police station there was a question regarding status (i forgot the exact wording but as far as I remember it asked whether you are a US citizen or a legal alien, something of that sort)..So my assumption is that if they have such a question in the purchase permit application, then the local police office would be able to answer the question if you are elligible to purchase or not..Lawyers all what they care for is to add the charges on your bill (not saying that you need them but if there is a valid free alternative, use it and check with your local police station).


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## dovehunter (Dec 18, 2007)

Owning a weapon and having it in your place of business is the easy part. Question is: are you mentally ready to use it and be willing to take someone elses life? If you are not, then don't even think about having a gun in your shop. Hire a security guard at night, heck they are cheap.


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## DevilsJohnson (Oct 21, 2007)

dovehunter said:


> Owning a weapon and having it in your place of business is the easy part. Question is: are you mentally ready to use it and be willing to take someone elses life? If you are not, then don't even think about having a gun in your shop. Hire a security guard at night, heck they are cheap.


That's pretty good advice.

I also think that taking a NRA defense and safety class would be a great idea. Hopefully you can explain that you are not wanting to be John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. Just a man that want's to protect you and yours. There is nothing wrong with being armed as long as you take the time to learn the hows, whens, and whys to have and use a hand gun. I also believe that bringing the wife along to show you are not over reacting maybe she will get a little warmer on the idea.

remind her that the police while doing as best they can are more often going to be getting on the scene after the crime has been committed. In other words they sort the mess out after it's happened. It's rare and just blind luck for police to be there just when the bad deed is playing out.

All of this hinges on what are your options being your status in the country. You are a permanent resident you said but not a citizen. A call to the local sheriffs office can sort that out though.

Edit to add: I looked at the laws posted on this site to look at laws form several states. My home state as well as a few others that I looked at all say you must be a U.S. citizen. Fla does not have any reference to that. It would seem that if one had to be a citizen that they would add it to thew law. Makes me think you might be able to get a weapon for what you propose. But I'd still call local sheriff or state police.

I have been searching the net. I can't find anything about Fla. Maryland says no though according to Wiki answers..Good thing you didn't pick there to live I guess:smt033 I'll keep looking but I'd say a call can clear it up faster.

I happened on a web site that has laws of all 50 states. Fla does not say they need you to be a citizen and several others I looked at actually said straight out that you did. So maybe you can. I'd still call state or county police though and get the story from those that are paid to know.

Link to site I i used as reference Click Here

http://www.bucksgunrack.com/gunlaws.htm#


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## drummin man 627 (Dec 25, 2006)

*Fla laws*

Read this book. It is available at virtually any gun shop. All the pertinate Fla laws will be covered. My copy is a few years old and was $22 at that time. 
"Florida Firearms: Law, Use, & Ownership". It was written by Jon H. Gutmacher, Esq. 
The author is a lawyer, and an N.R.A. Certified firearms instructor. The book is used by 80 law enforcemrnt agencies and 7 Fla police acadamies. (Their words)
That said, I beleive that the state will allow you to buy a hand gun. If so, you may keep it in your business, and home. Even without a C.C.W., Florida allows you to to transport it in your vehicle as long as: 1. It is out of sight. 2. Not on your person. 3. Is encased. It may be loaded.
As far as getting aproval from your wife..........well good luck. Keep an eye out for news articles that feature civilian use of hand guns for personal protection. Show them to the Mrs.
By the way....Welcome to the U.S.A. and from Pinellas County (near St. Petersburg). :smt023


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## tekhead1219 (May 16, 2008)

In addition to all of the above, check out the website www.corneredcat.com. This site is directed to a woman's point of view regarding handguns and carrying concealed. You might find something in there that your wife can relate to. Good luck.


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## fidalgoman (Mar 17, 2009)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> *Suggestions:*
> 
> Ask your wife if she prefers to have you armed and alive, or unarmed and dead.
> Then start taking defensive-pistol lessons from a reputable teacher, and _bring her along_ so she can see for herself that you are learning _defense_, not offense.
> Keep reminding her of the old movie line (from _Shane_) that "a gun is only a tool": a tool for saving your life...and maybe hers, too.


I agree. So many people have knee-jerk reactions to guns without even thinking. It's an illogical fear that touches the emotions but bypasses the brain. You know that guns are tools and even a hammer can be used to build a house or whack your neighgbor.

I had to get over that myself at one time. I hope it doesn't take you getting shot to open her eyes. The wolf doesn't care what you think only what kind of claws you have. :mrgreen:


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## Pistolero (Mar 6, 2009)

Carry the Kimber Jet Protector pepper spray guns, you AND your wife. Then, after you mace the bastards, club them with your collapsible baton, disarm them and shoot them with their own weapon!  Oh the glee!!!


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## IndyRob (Oct 2, 2008)

Another option would to have an armed security guard on the property during business hours, if your wife is that anti gun.


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## firefighterwall (Mar 1, 2009)

Not to say you need to shoot someone, but a coupla years ago a liquor/convenience store near my old firestation got robbed by a guy at gunpoint...the guy was apparently ready to kill someone.

The store owner managed to get ahold of his gun and blew the attacker away. Needless to say, he has never stopped carrying, and NOBODY has tried to rob him since. Word spreads fast...all it takes is one or two bad people to realize you're not an easy target, and they will likely go elsewhere.

Maybe pu t a big NRA sticker on your store door? 

Just something to keep in mind.


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## Pistolero (Mar 6, 2009)

I was feeling like a smart-a** last night. Here's a more thoughtful response to your dilemma. I've been married eight years to a strong-willed woman. She hates that I have guns but lives with it as my choice. She refuses to carry or even shoot recreationally with me for that matter. For her personal defense I bought her the $41 Kimber Guardian Angel (now called Pepper Blaster) and she carries it with her everywhere.

Funny thing about women -they love and respect you and feel safe with you around but fail to ask the simple question posed by Lois Lane in the Superman movie, "Sure, you've got me, but who's got you?!" If you're going to protect your family and your interests you will have to make the decision to arm yourself for yourself. If it seems necessary, make no attempt to hide what you are doing. Let her know that you take your safety, your family's safety and your business's success seriously. Sure, you love her and respect her feelings but there are not enough police to be there when you need them most. They are mostly there to clean up after the mess has ended. Arm your wife with a less-than-lethal device (taser, pepper spray, etc.) then do what you must do.


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## FlaChef (Dec 31, 2008)

+1 to the Gutmacher book. i think every Fl gun owners should have it and read it!!
also +1 to the Cornered Cat website!! awesome stuff there for men and women both!!

As mentioned previously, take a class and take the wife. I would also add to the list the following books, both by Massad Ayoob: "in the gravest extreme" and "the ayoob files". They will challenge and correct a lot of myths and preconceived notions that I think everybody has at least 1 or 2 of (yes, even most "gun people").

I guess the key here is FACTS, FACTS, and more FACTS! but if your wife is not able to have an open mind then all of these might not matter. I personally would start her on the "cornered cat" since it is by a woman, for women and ASK her to at least read the "safety" articles.


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## Chesty21 (Mar 14, 2009)

I just do what I want and if the wife does not like it she knows were the door is. On a serious note if you can not turn here with some of the ideas others here have given maybe just do it and do not tell her. Try to keep it hidden and if she finds out deal with it then. This is not the best advice but all i got.


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## rosie22lr (Mar 21, 2009)

Hey desibaba: I read thru these replies and you really received a great deal of good advice. Much of it is repetitive, which tells you that there is a concensus on many things involved in having the gun and still having, not only a wife, but a wife who will embrace your use and, perhaps, her use of the gun. One particular reply stuck in my mind because I personally relate to it based on my current quest to have my wife embrace the idea of being able to use a gun. Start with expert advice that you BOTH attend. Start with a 22lr (you can rent one at the gunshop) and learn how to shoot. Have your wife try it--it is surprisingly uneventful and will go a long way to calming her fears. Make sure she wears double ear protection (ear plugs AND ear muffs). My wife's initial doubful comments had to do with the "noise"--the less the better. Move to as low a recoil type cartridge that you can find when you move up to a 38 (which is probably the minimum gun you would want for your kind of needed personal defense). Let her try it--she may not like it even with lo recoil but at least you tried. Hopefully the overall experience will at least allow her to accept your ownership and, in the best of all worlds, convince her that she should know how to use it as well. Good luck and I certainly hope that your Subway is successful not only monetarily but safely, as well.


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## FlaChef (Dec 31, 2008)

Hmmmm....
over a month since original poster asked his questions?
Any updates if you are still reading this desibaba?


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## BeefyBeefo (Jan 30, 2008)

*desibaba
Last Activity: 02-24-2009 11:18 PM*

LMAO!

I think there will be some closure to his question pretty soon. :mrgreen::watching:

Maybe she found out he was on a handgun forum and he's not allowed to use the computer anymore.

:anim_lol:


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Well, I have a feeling it was one of those drive-by cases where someone signs up to ask a question like, "How do I get an anti to like guns" or "What would be the best gun to buy my ______", there was no magic answer, so the OP leaves.


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## Benevolentshooter (Mar 27, 2009)

Ok you can all hate on me later but im gonna go ahead and say it. Hello a recent imigrant from pakistan can get a gun legally in the U.S. Dont get me wrong i dont see all middle eaterners as terrorist but maybe they should have to wait a while before getting access to things like, i dont know guns, pilot lessons, high ranking security positions in our nations soft spots. Maybe im just paranoid but i dont like the sound of this at all. A person who is trying to cope with culture shock getting a gun. This case aside i would like to think an recent imigrant from any country would be under some serious microscopes if there first act was to go buy a pistol. As for advice a scared woman with a gun might provide a burglar with a knife a new weapon. Good luck and remind me to stay away from sub way.


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## Todd (Jul 3, 2006)

Benevolentshooter said:


> Ok you can all hate on me later but im gonna go ahead and say it. Hello a recent imigrant from pakistan can get a gun legally in the U.S. Dont get me wrong i dont see all middle eaterners as terrorist but maybe they should have to wait a while before getting access to things like, i dont know guns, pilot lessons, high ranking security positions in our nations soft spots. Maybe im just paranoid but i dont like the sound of this at all. A person who is trying to cope with culture shock getting a gun. This case aside i would like to think an recent imigrant from any country would be under some serious microscopes if there first act was to go buy a pistol.


While I do agree that officials should be a bit more cautions when allowing any immigrant access to firearms due to unknown backgrounds, I think in this case most people here are thinking the OP was being honest and upfront, therefore were willing to offer advice. Most of the time it's the guys that pop up out of nowhere, give no background information, and ask questions pertaining something illegal that we have to watch out for.



Benevolentshooter said:


> Good luck and remind me to stay away from sub way.


Stay away from subway. The reason Jared lost all that weight by eating there is he involuntarily became bulimic since the food is so nasty he puked right after he ate.

SIDE NOTE TO ALL: Let's not turn this into a multi-directional flame fest, or this partially-dead thread will have it's plug pulled.


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## tekhead1219 (May 16, 2008)

BeefyBeefo said:


> *desibaba
> Last Activity: 02-24-2009 11:18 PM*
> 
> Maybe she found out he was on a handgun forum and he's not allowed to use the computer anymore.
> ...


:anim_lol::anim_lol:


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## RUGER45 (Jan 19, 2007)

Just turn on the evening news.:watching:
:watching:


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