# Advice wanted for talking to my wife about wanting to buy my first gun



## 21246 (Feb 4, 2012)

Hello everyone. I do not own a gun and have never bought one before. Now I have another thread here about helping me buy that first gun, so I will not go into that here. I am 36 and am living back at home with my wife and three year old daughter. Yeah it stinks, but those are the cards I have been dealt right now.  My step dad told me that there is now way I am bringing and keeping a gun in his house....end of discussion. My wife is bi-polar and is taking meds everyday for this and goes to a therapist as well to manage it, so she is getting care. My wife is not comfortable having a gun that she has access to or knows where it is. There have been times where when her meds are not right she has wanted to kill herself.....in a bad spot of depression. Now I love my wife and do not want to go behind her back or betray her trust and also do not want to upset my stepdad. However, I want my first handgun.
My cousin is like a brother to me and we are fairly close. He is a gun owner, hunter, and licensed gunsmith (on the side). He told me that I could buy the gun and he would store it for me at his house to be used whenever I wanted it. Doing this would keep a gun out of my stepdad's house and also keep it safely away from my wife who is a bit scared to have one around. 
I would like your thoughts and input on this strange issue. I do not NEED a gun, I WANT it. Yes I can shoot my cousin's guns whenever we hang out and go shooting, but there is something about owning and shooting my own gun. What are your thoughts on this issue? Thanks for the help.


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

As long as you dont give her access or bring it in your step dads house I dont see a problem?
When you get a new place of your own buy a gunsafe and keep it in there,hide the keys and dont let her know the combo.
And you never know about the future....when the zombie apocolypse comes they may want you to run get it quick:anim_lol:


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## Brevard13 (Nov 28, 2010)

I agree with scooter. Just tell her that you want a handgun for whatever reason be it target shooting, self defense, competitions, or just to have. Tell her you also took her and her wishes into consideration. Tell her you are going to buy a safe in which to keep the gun. Tell her she will not know the combination or have the keys to access the gun. She may still be apprehensive, but don't push her just ask her to think about it. My other advice is if you leave the house and she is there screw the safe and take the gun with you. If you are there you can always keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't put herself in jeopardy.

As far as your step-dad goes. What he doesn't know won't hurt him...LOL. My mom couldn't stand guns. I had plenty of them she never knew about.


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## dondavis3 (Aug 2, 2009)

+1 scooter
:smt1099


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## berettabone (Jan 23, 2012)

Get the gun, and get a safe, and tell them both, to go to H.......no sense having a weapon, and storing it somewhere else....won't have it when you need it.....


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## Russ (Aug 19, 2011)

s1mp13m4n said:


> Hello everyone. I do not own a gun and have never bought one before. Now I have another thread here about helping me buy that first gun, so I will not go into that here. I am 36 and am living back at home with my wife and three year old daughter. Yeah it stinks, but those are the cards I have been dealt right now.  My step dad told me that there is now way I am bringing and keeping a gun in his house....end of discussion. My wife is bi-polar and is taking meds everyday for this and goes to a therapist as well to manage it, so she is getting care. My wife is not comfortable having a gun that she has access to or knows where it is. There have been times where when her meds are not right she has wanted to kill herself.....in a bad spot of depression. Now I love my wife and do not want to go behind her back or betray her trust and also do not want to upset my stepdad. However, I want my first handgun.
> My cousin is like a brother to me and we are fairly close. He is a gun owner, hunter, and licensed gunsmith (on the side). He told me that I could buy the gun and he would store it for me at his house to be used whenever I wanted it. Doing this would keep a gun out of my stepdad's house and also keep it safely away from my wife who is a bit scared to have one around.
> I would like your thoughts and input on this strange issue. I do not NEED a gun, I WANT it. Yes I can shoot my cousin's guns whenever we hang out and go shooting, but there is something about owning and shooting my own gun. What are your thoughts on this issue? Thanks for the help.


Dude your wife is bi-polor and on medication. She would never qualify for a gun. Why would you want to endanger your wife, child, extended family, neigbors, friends, strangers including the milk man etc. End of discussion...no gun even if you have a safe. You will never forgive yourself is something tragic happened.

Russ


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## Aargon276 (Feb 24, 2012)

Getting a gun box with a numeric keypad would be your best bet. If you feel you need or want a gun you shouldn't let something like that hold you back. You could get a lock box with the numeric keypad for $50-$100. Keep it in a place in the house that is not normally accessed, top of closet under the bathroom sink under the dresser in the room. As long as you are the only one that knows the combination you should be alright. I think that owning a gun is a right you should take advantage of as an American citizens. The pros outweigh the cons in every situation.


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## manta (Jul 2, 2010)

I think if you can't change their minds then you have to respect their wishes about bringing a gun into the house. Some saying tell them to go to he** if they don't like it is just stupid and would be disrespectful to your wife and step father. All you can do is try to change their minds or keep it at your cousins.


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## FNISHR (Aug 9, 2011)

I like Scooter's take on this. It's a complex subject, but that looks like the best approach to me.


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## ronmail65 (Jan 18, 2011)

I didn't hear the Op say he "wanted" the gun for protection -- so it sounds like it's more for recreation. If that's the case, then I say it's not worth compromising the safety of your wife or creating a rift with your family. Save yourself several hundred dollars and don't get one. If you want to go shoot, borrow your cousin's gun or rent one at the range. There's no need to create problems at home -- your family is more important. Find another recreational activity.

If, on the other hand, you really feel the need for a gun at home and/or for carry for personal protection... Well then get a gun safe and don't share the combination. But it sounds like it's gonna cause problems.

Of course if you don't get one now (which I think is a good decision) and she does something against your wishes that's really stupid.... you can play that card later if you want to go that route!!


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

ronmail65 said:


> Of course if you don't get one now (which I think is a good decision) and she does something against your wishes that's really stupid.... you can play that card later if you want to go that route!!


Hmmmm....so you think its not ok to get one now, with the proper safety precautions in place first, but it is ok to get one later for revenge if she does something he doesnt like??? Your kung fu is REALLY lame here.


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## John2393 (Feb 19, 2012)

I have a similar situation. My wife n i live with her mom temporarily and she HATES guns. But i already own them. My wife is bipolar and medicated for it as well. So what I do, this is just me, is i never get them out, clean them,etc... around ma-in-law. I keep my 44 in the bugout bag in my closet and a speedloader full of specials in the nightstand where only i know where they are. But ive always owned guns and my wife not only leaves them alone but she could care less to even try to shoot it. 

But it sounds like YOU are in a situation where becomming a handgun owner isnt in the stars for you right now! I would suggest u just shoot ur cousins guns (maybe buy the bullets and have him take u to the range with his guns?) At least until you get your own place again. And even then, if your wife has SAID she doesnt trust heraelf around a handgun, you should be having aome major red flags popping up about owning a pistol. 
Just a word to the wise...but if someone says "please dont put a deadly weapon in my reach as i cannot gurantee i wont do something bad with it..." ummm... DONT.


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## chessail77 (Mar 15, 2011)

+1 on Scooter's reply


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## SouthernBoy (Jun 27, 2007)

When you're a guest in someone's else's domain, you pretty much have to do as they say. Your cousin may be your best bet with this one. I would not take a firearm into the environment you have described.


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

I gotta go with *Russ* and *SouthernBoy* on this one.

You might do differently when you live in your own home, but I suggest that your wife's condition precludes keeping a gun in the house.
Were it me, I would even lock up the kitchen knives, unless her physician tells you something different.

Keeping a "44 in the bugout bag in my closet and a speedloader full of specials in the nightstand where only i know where they are" seems to me to be an invitation to disaster. Wives can be as persistently curious as a child is, and children are always unsafe if left with unsupervised access to a gun.


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## Holly (Oct 15, 2011)

Having spent my entire life taking care of my schizoaffective bi-polar mother, I have more experience than the average bear with this situation. If you keep a gun in _your home_, not your step-father's, you will NEVER be careful enough that you could assure your wife's safety. If she wants to get to it, she will. Trust me on this one. TRUST ME, please. However, if you have the option of storing your new gun in another person's home, that makes it a different situation...


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## Holly (Oct 15, 2011)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> Were it me, I would even lock up the kitchen knives, unless her physician tells you something different.


I spent YEARS with the only key to our "sharp" drawer, where we kept kitchen knives, pizza cutters, etc... I also had the key to a medication safe.

My opinion is that having a gun in your home is a terrible idea.


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## Holly (Oct 15, 2011)

Aargon276 said:


> Getting a gun box with a numeric keypad would be your best bet. If you feel you need or want a gun you shouldn't let something like that hold you back. You could get a lock box with the numeric keypad for $50-$100. Keep it in a place in the house that is not normally accessed, top of closet under the bathroom sink under the dresser in the room. As long as you are the only one that knows the combination you should be alright. I think that owning a gun is a right you should take advantage of as an American citizens. The pros outweigh the cons in every situation.


The pros outweigh the cons in EVERY situation?? How about the situation where a man loses his wife and a child loses her mother?

Sir, I have to disagree with you.


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

Holly said:


> I spent YEARS with the only key to our "sharp" drawer, where we kept kitchen knives, pizza cutters, etc... I also had the key to a medication safe.
> 
> My opinion is that this is a terrible idea.


Hey, Holly...
What's a terrible idea? Locking the knives up? Or not locking them up, if the woman's doctor says she's OK with them?
Since you have experience, please clarify the point.

(My feeling is that locking the knives up is the best idea, but I would at least listen to a doctor's advice if it were otherwise.)


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## Holly (Oct 15, 2011)

I just read your first post, asking for advice on a gun.

I was unaware that you intended to use this gun for personal protection. With that information, you should not keep a gun at your cousin's house, as it would do you no good. Since I've already made my opinion clear about keeping a gun around your wife, my advise is that you *do not buy a gun*.


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## Holly (Oct 15, 2011)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> Hey, Holly...
> What's a terrible idea? Locking the knives up? Or not locking them up, if the woman's doctor says she's OK with them?
> Since you have experience, please clarify the point.
> 
> (My feeling is that locking the knives up is the best idea, but I would at least listen to a doctor's advice if it were otherwise.)


Sorry. I was upset and didn't take time to clarify. I think _having the gun in the home_ is the terrible idea. Also, locking up knives in recommended.

Edited the post. Thanks, Steve.


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

Holly said:


> I just read your first post, asking for advice on a gun.
> 
> I was unaware that you intended to use this gun for personal protection. With that information, you should not keep a gun at your cousin's house, as it would do you no good. Since I've already made my opinion clear about keeping a gun around your wife, my advise is that you *do not buy a gun*.


In my years as a LEO I have seen people stabbed to death with a dinner fork, a screwdriver and one with a TABLE knife even as dull as they are.
With a decent safe and a little common sense he can have a firearm and keep her about as safe as he is ever going to.If she gets to the point where she is gonna kill herself all she has to do is walk out in traffic somewhere, She can do it if she wants to and NO ONE can stop her!! You gonna tell him to NOT own a car, a lawn mower with its spinning blades??? Get the point??? Get real people Im NOT telling him to put her in danger but for G-ds sake use a little common sense.


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## John2393 (Feb 19, 2012)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> I gotta go with *Russ* and *SouthernBoy* on this one.
> 
> You might do differently when you live in your own home, but I suggest that your wife's condition precludes keeping a gun in the house.
> Were it me, I would even lock up the kitchen knives, unless her physician tells you something different.
> ...


Having a gun in general is an invitation to disaster. I think i was misunderstood here. I was pointing out that i keep it put up and the bullets totally separate out of respect for my ma-in-laws dislike for guns. MY wifes condition may vary from other bipolar peoples but she is more like an extreme version of manic depressive. Her bad days arent " wheres the gun, someones going down" she doesnt even really yell alot or get violent at all. Hers are like "wheres) the credit cards, im going shopping" and the next day she acts like it wasnt HER that did it. The Dr.s are the ones calling it bipolar. I would imagine the symptoms of behavior range from person to persn. In s1s case he was told flat out that his wife may do something bad. Not mine. The worst thing MY wife may do is pawn my gun to buy a new purse or something. My kids know i own them. And im not gonna bore everyone with the details butmy kids are very educated in gun safety, operation and maintenence. We shoot togeather a lot. Like i said. I could go on about THAT for pages. But im as reaponsible a gun owner as i can be.

I was just saying that in s1's case, he was TOLD by his wife NO, I DONT TRUST MYSELF WITH A GUN AROUND. Thats a good reason NOT to become a gun owner. If I WERE told that i would sell everything i own, down to my slingshot.

But southerboys right. Someone elses house, their rules. If i didnt already own them i wouldnt buy one NOW myself (personally i would'nt spend the money on one,i would be spending it on getting my own place- ive actually been tossing around selling mine anyway to get our own place)

But even in a house without guns theres potential for disaster, so its not really fair to say that if i store my gun in my closet n my bullets in my nightstand im inviting a domestic disaster. Oh i COULD get a finger scan lockbox, i could get a safe. Ok. I agree with that, to a point. But thats not a cure all one-fit answer.

Heres the bottom line: if i felt the presence of my guns were a risk to anyones safety in or out of my home, that is, MY ownership of a handgun were to cause ANYONE unnessicary and mortal danger, i wouldnt own one. Period. 
I KNOW my wife. I KNOW my kids. I dont care how big ur safe is or how many locks you have. The BEST safety is education.

s1 was given information, one part was the man who owns the house he lives in said "no" second, the woman whom he chose to spend his life with said "no" .

I was just drawing a comparison to my own situation. As well as the differences.


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## berettabone (Jan 23, 2012)

Sounds to me like you've answered your own question....if you need Xanax to own a gun, then by all means, get some pepper spray, and let it go....or move.....


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## TedDeBearFrmHell (Jul 1, 2011)

scooter said:


> ...... Get real people Im NOT telling him to put her in danger but for G-ds sake use a little *common sense*.


common sense isnt all that common any more


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## DanP_from_AZ (May 8, 2009)

I knew a bi-polar person. OK, manic-depressive. Pick your label. Not a relative.

Very nice person. Their med's generally seemed to work OK. Dead now. No, it wasn't a gun.
Shocked EVERYONE. They all said "I can't believe they'd do THAT". I said that too.


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## scooter (May 9, 2006)

TedDeBearFrmHell said:


> common sense isnt all that common any more


:smt023:smt023


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## capgun (Jan 27, 2012)

Sir, you have responsibilities to meet before you can start buying things you WANT. Like your own home for your family. If you gotta bust caps, borrow one of your cousins or rent once in a while. You are in no position that justifies the expense or hassle. Sorry. Maybe later .


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