# I don't think my right knee can heal fast enough...........



## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

......until I can start driving again. 

From the very 1st date I had with my now wife, and up to Nov. 10th, the date of my knee replacement surgery, 99.9% of the time, if we go somewhere, I drive. Rarely does she ever drive the two of us. 

I had a doctor's appt. today. My wife drove. We just got back home, and I was a nervous wreck the whole time we were out. I know that she doesn't like to drive me anywhere. It makes her nervous. So.....I do my best to keep quiet and just let her drive. 

But today was weird. On the way, she almost ran a 4-way stop. I had to yell out to get her to stop. She said that she was distracted. Then later, she almost didn't stop at a right light. Again, I had to call out to her to stop. She said that I was making her nervous. 

As long as I've known her, she's only been in one minor vehicle accident and it wasn't her fault. She was stopped at a light, and someone ran into the back of her car at low speed. No injuries and only very minor veh. damage. 

It's been a very long time since I've ridden shotgun with her. She's not a "smooth" driver. Jack rabbit starts and sudden stops seems to be prevalent. She doesn't anticipate traffic conditions, she "reacts" to them. I swear she hits every man-hole cover she encounters. I straddle them or drive to the side of them when possible and traffic allows. 

The next appt. with my surgeon isn't until Dec. 8th. I hoping by that time, he clears me to drive again. I don't plan on having to get out again and have her drive me. The anxiety level is just too high.


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

Because she sincerely believes that you are criticizing her driving skill in your inner thoughts, she becomes nervous and distracted.
Being constantly focussed on you, and therefore nervous and distracted, keeps her from paying proper attention to her driving environment.
So, even though she is trying hard not to make driving mistakes, she makes mistake after mistake...some of them serious.

Jean had this problem too. She was always certain that I was criticizing her (when I wasn't saying anything, or thinking critical thoughts either).
The solution we found was for me to reassure her that she is a good driver, and to praise her a lot before starting off, during the drive, and also after it's over.

Probably you are, in her mind, super-critical of her driving because of your LE background.
You reinforce this when you speak sharply to her while she's driving (at the 4-way stop, for instance).
I suggest that you do everything that you can to speak quietly and calmly to her.

In the case of that 4-way stop, for instance, you need to be very calmly and quietly pro-active, rather than sharply and loudly critical after the fact.
And keep praising her driving and reassuring her that you're not thinking critical thoughts.



(It took me 15 minutes to compose and write that. At $200.00 for 55 minutes, that's $54.50-worth of psychiatric counselling. Please remit to: Dr. Steve, Orcas Island, WA.)


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## Cait43 (Apr 4, 2013)

Riding shotgun is not the easiest thing for most drivers that have to do it......... We all have are own style of driving and feels its the best..... I have the opposite situation my wife constantly "helps" me drives even though I have never had an accident while driving...... Go figure........ Ain't being married just grand....


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> Because she sincerely believes that you are criticizing her driving skill in your inner thoughts, she becomes nervous and distracted.
> Being constantly focussed on you, and therefore nervous and distracted, keeps her from paying proper attention to her driving environment.
> So, even though she is trying hard not to make driving mistakes, she makes mistake after mistake...some of them serious.
> 
> ...


And here all this time, I thought that I was doing enough by just keeping my mouth shut. :smt083

Maybe it's just me, but when I'm in a car as a passenger and it seems like the driver is going to cruise thru a busy intersection with cars coming and going, it's really, really hard for me to say calmly and quietly, Oh Gawd, we're all gonna die. :smt033

I do understand your point though. But for me, I think it will be easier for all concerned, to just *NOT* be a passenger when she drives. :smt002

BTW.....a personal check drawn on my checking account with insufficient funds is on the way. :mrgreen:


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## RK3369 (Aug 12, 2013)

Can't ride with my wife. She does the exact things you say yours does, makes the same excuses, too heavy on the throttle for me, and basically makes me nervous. I hope I never have to really rely on her to drive me anywhere, because I know it's not going to be a fun ride. I sympathize with you. Hopefully your doc says you can drive again the next time you see him.


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## Craigh (Jul 29, 2016)

Just kick back and pretend to be dozing. She'll figure you can't be critical. ;-)


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

When she drives take 2 secinals crawl in the back seat and tell her to wake you when you get there. lol In my 30+ years working I have driven over a million miles, I am a horror able passenger


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

tony pasley said:


> When she drives take 2 secinals crawl in the back seat and tell her to wake you when you get there. lol In my 30+ years working I have driven over a million miles, I am a horror able passenger


I used to have two younger brothers. I now only have one. My youngest brother passed in Jan. of 2010. He was two weeks away from turning 48 yrs. old.

He was such a bad (he would say _unlucky_) driver, that whenever we rode with him, we never dozed off. I used to say, If I'm going to die, I want to know about it. My middle brother will actually sleep when I drive someplace with him. That's quite a compliment!

Oh, and by the way. It was my youngest brother that drag raced cars as a hobby. Go figure............


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## Goldwing (Nov 5, 2014)

My wives lack of situational awareness precludes her from having any fun with me as her passenger. That is as polite and kind as I can be.

GW


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## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

You can just steer and let her work the pedals. :smt023


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

My wives, Goldwing is there something your not telling us.


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## win231 (Aug 5, 2015)

When I was married, I never had to criticize my wife's driving. Her record speaks for itself. She always insisted on driving, regardless of how tired she was. I learned it wasn't worth the stress arguing with her.

One evening, I told her she looked tired & she should let me drive. Nope, she insisted. A line of stopped cars was ahead. She was looking at them but not slowing down. When I realized she was "asleep with her eyes open" & yelled at her, it was too late. Just as she slammed on the brakes, I looked at the speedometer & it said "45." I said, "Oh, s---." We hit a newly-painted & restored VW Bug & shoved it into an SUV. The VW's rear engine stopped a couple of inches from the driver. Ambulance took her away.


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## Goldwing (Nov 5, 2014)

tony pasley said:


> My wives, Goldwing is there something your not telling us.


Yes. The fact of the matter is, well, if I type in wifes the damn spellcheck underlines it and tells me it is incorrect. If I type in wife's it is ok with the spellcheck, but I think it should be read to mean my wife is. If I type wifes' as I assume would mean her possession, spellcheck says nyet. Where the hell is Steve 1911 when you really need to be educated?

GW


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## Cait43 (Apr 4, 2013)

goldwing said:


> Yes. The fact of the matter is, well, if I type in wifes the damn spellcheck underlines it and tells me it is incorrect. If I type in wife's it is ok with the spellcheck, but I think it should be read to mean my wife is. If I type wifes' as I assume would mean her possession, spellcheck says nyet. Where the hell is Steve 1911 when you really need to be educated?
> 
> GW


You should have typed *wife's* instead of wives.......


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## Tip (Aug 22, 2012)

Our solution, her car she drives, mine I drive, and it's about 50/50. We've gotten used to (and comfortable with) each other's driving AND each other being a passenger. Actually, dating for some > 5 years before getting married kinda helped get this started. Both of us indeed do have different driving styles, but, by the same token, it's been well over a million miles and a couple of decades and no accidents.....
Get used to it -- only way to do that is to do it more. If you are ALWAYS gonna drive that ain't gonna happen.


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

I can accept that explanation and Steve was laughing to hard to correct your spelling


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

tony pasley said:


> I can accept that explanation and Steve was laughing to hard to correct your spelling


Actually, that would be "too" hard.........

Sorry about that. It's just the spelling Nazi in me coming out. :smt033


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

To, too, two...Toot-toot!

Singular = wife
Singular possessive = wife's
Plural = wives
Plural possessive = wives'

It's an Anglo-Saxon word, so we're still using Anglo-Saxon (Low German) spelling and grammar.

Knife, knife's, knives, knives'.
Life, life's, lives, lives'.
Etc.

But life is too short to allow time to quibble.
Screw the grammar, as long as we all understand what is meant.


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

I stand corrected Heir Paratrooper.


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

Is he an heir? (I believe so.)
Does he have hair? (I don't know.)
Or is he merely _Herr_? (_Ach, so!_)

Maybe he's a hairy _Herr_.
Or even a happy, hairy _Herr_, since he became an heir.

Enquiring people want to know.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

You can all call me whatever you want. But......just don't call me late to dinner. :mrgreen:

Or breakfast or lunch.


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## Goldwing (Nov 5, 2014)

To all of you who are NOT Steve M1911A1, I'm sorry for injecting the "Professor" into this. Steve, thanks for enlightening me!:mrgreen:

GW


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

:goofy: :smt083


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

I really get nervous when FLYING. I always let my wife drive me to the airport, that's when I realize flying is much safer.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

It's a bit reassuring to know that other guys feel the same way I do in regards to their wives driving.


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## Cait43 (Apr 4, 2013)

Take the grammer quiz....
Only 1% Can Get ALL of These 20 Simple Grammar Questions. Can You? ? MagiQuiz - Hilariously Illuminating Quizzes


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## Steve M1911A1 (Feb 6, 2008)

OK. I took the quiz.
I was doing quite well, when the questions became nonsensical. The answers, too, were nonsense.
"Enough!" I cried, and I promptly exited, stage left.


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## pic (Nov 14, 2009)

Steve M1911A1 said:


> OK. I took the quiz.
> I was doing quite well, when the questions became nonsensical. The answers, too, were nonsense.
> "Enough!" I cried, and I promptly exited, stage left.


Plus ,they ask for your email address in order to get the results, lol.

Usually a big no, no.


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## BackyardCowboy (Aug 27, 2014)

pic said:


> Plus ,they ask for your email address in order to get the results, lol.
> 
> Usually a big no, no.


That's why I always give them Paratrooper's email.


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## paratrooper (Feb 1, 2012)

BackyardCowboy said:


> That's why I always give them Paratrooper's email.


I was wondering why I get so damn much spam. :smt076


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

paratrooper said:


> I was wondering why I get so damn much spam. :smt076


It is because you have so many rich dead relatives in Africa.


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