# Disappointed in Myself



## SuckLead (Jul 4, 2006)

This isn't really CCW, but it involves protecting myself. I wasn't sure where to put it, so feel free to move this if it is wrong.

I was rather disappointed in myself the other evening. I guess it was Sunday night. I had gone to bed after doing the usual things, shower, pajama change, etc. I was almost asleep when I heard a strange noise and woke back up fully. It sounded like someone creeping around on the second floor of the house, where my bedroom is. Now, my father is known for creeping around late at night because he can never seem to sleep, but I know his footsteps and this wasn't him. 

Now, when I go to bed at night my carry gun is set beside my bed between the far wall and the bed away from the door. These noises managed to make my mind register that my gun was there and loaded. I also knew my 686 was in the room across the hall in a drawer (in the bathroom) and was not loaded. And the Bersa was in my dresser, loaded. But my thoughts stopped there. 

I froze! I just laid there and didn't move a muscle! I kept cussing myself in my mind saying I should, at the very least, grab the Sig and get ready for the worst (although I didn't plan to leave the room until a noise proved to me that someone was in danger; I figure if they are robbing the house they can go ahead and do so as long as they leave all living beings in the house in that state when they leave), but I couldn't move. I've used my gun to protect myself before at work mostly but also in my car, and never had a problem. I've cleared my house, defended myself in a hotel room when someone appeared at the foot of my bed, confronted someone in my home before, etc. So what gives?!

Thankfully when I woke up in the morning I found the source of the sound. The dog had come upstairs and relieved herself on the carpet, which is what she does to show me she's mad that closed my bedroom door (she does this often). But I haven't been able to shake that for days now. I completely froze up. If there had been someone in the house coming up to my area of the upstairs and was intent on hurting me, what would I have done?! I am very disappointed in me.


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## john doe. (Aug 26, 2006)

Sounds like you weren't quit awake yet. I’ll often hear strange sounds and lie there for a little bit more until I either figure out what it was or get my lazy butt out of my warm bed to investigate. So far it’s been nothing.


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## Mr. P (Sep 16, 2006)

I'd a shot the dog!


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## Baldy (Jun 21, 2006)

You sure you wasn't in a dream state and thinking it was for real? That kind of thing happens to LEO's who have been in fire fights, and military men. I say shake it off and carry on. If you can't get some help about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and don't let some jerk tell you other wise.


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## Wandering Man (Jul 9, 2006)

tnoisaw said:


> Sounds like you weren't quit awake yet. I'll often hear strange sounds and lie there for a little bit more until I either figure out what it was or get my lazy butt out of my warm bed to investigate. So far it's been nothing.


The brain produces a chemical that inhibits movement when your asleep. That's why we don't beat our partners to death, flailing around when we dream. We are essentially paralyzed while sleeping, dreaming. In your situation, you may not have been fully awake.

You may have had the experience of dreaming that you were running, and felt that you could not move your legs. This is essentially your becoming aware of the chemical's effects while dreaming.

Your experience the other night may have been a failure of your brain to become fully alert.

WM


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## john doe. (Aug 26, 2006)

I was on a Greyhound bus once and fell asleep. I woke up but was not able to move. Something like sleep paralysis. It was very freaky.


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## Maximo (May 26, 2006)

Hey Sucklead, I would pay close attention to what WM said. I read a LOT more on this forum than I post, and have read many of your post and I have been given no indication that you would hesitate to protect yourself or your family while in the right frame of mind. I have heard something in the night before and just laid there . I always attributed this to being lazy and if something were really amiss I could pull myself together in an instant.


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## jpruett79 (Sep 23, 2006)

Baldy said:


> You sure you wasn't in a dream state and thinking it was for real? That kind of thing happens to LEO's who have been in fire fights, and military men. I say shake it off and carry on. If you can't get some help about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and don't let some jerk tell you other wise.


I have had dreams about being in a hotel room when someone broke in and attacked me and i couldnt move. I have also had other similar dreams. Mabey your subconsince heared the dog and sparked the dream. I dont think you have a thing to worry about.


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## Revolver (Aug 26, 2006)

I would have to agree that you were in a half-awake trance. It seems your mind was stuck between the subconscious and conscious and that's why you weren't thinking in the same terms that you would if you were awake.


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## john doe. (Aug 26, 2006)

I think what were trying to say is that your okay, normal... well, at least on this circumstance.


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## SuckLead (Jul 4, 2006)

tnoisaw said:


> I think what were trying to say is that your okay, normal... well, at least on this circumstance.


Yes, I am far from normal! LOL!

I am thinking you guys may be right. The alternative could have been worse, I don't think my mother would have ever forgiven me if I had shot Lily.

One of my biggest worries when I worked armored was that someone was going to get my gun from me and shoot me with it (and I always tend to "cradle" an open carry gun with my elbow, especially since the time it almost actually happened). So I think my mind partly registered, maybe in a dream state, that my 686 was not within reach, and I second guessed myself about the loaded state of the weapon. It's possible.


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## john doe. (Aug 26, 2006)

SuckLead said:


> Yes, I am far from normal! LOL!
> 
> I am thinking you guys may be right. The alternative could have been worse, I don't think my mother would have ever forgiven me if I had shot Lily.
> 
> One of my biggest worries when I worked armored was that someone was going to get my gun from me and shoot me with it (and I always tend to "cradle" an open carry gun with my elbow, especially since the time it almost actually happened). So I think my mind partly registered, maybe in a dream state, that my 686 was not within reach, and I second guessed myself about the loaded state of the weapon. It's possible.


Shooting Lily would have been bad especially since they don't know about your personal armory.

Sounds like you may need to pratice your weapon retention skills if not just for our state of mind. You may be better than you think you are but like most of us we want to be the best at these kind of skills. Practice may not make perfect but it sure makes one better.


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## tony pasley (May 6, 2006)

I think you are thinking to much shooting to little. It unnerved you okay don't try to over analize it just to get past


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